I was angry last evening and I wrote something that hurt you badly. Now, Iâm regretting the fact that I showed you what I wrote. Interesting thing is that I didn’t know why I was angry. After a day of pondering over it, I now understand that the reason for my anger, which is: this relationship we are in, is only an escape from our miserable lives. We meet, do fun things, binge eat comfort food, watch movies, kiss… But the moment it comes to dealing with real problems and emotions, the fun goes down. Does that mean the relationship is shallow and meaningless?
We both have real problems. We both have serious health issues, and none of us can stretch beyond certain limits, whether it is physically or emotionally. When it comes to facing these problems, none of us is capable of coming up with a real solution other than building castles in the air, and saying comforting words. Is that enough? I donât know.
Wanting to escape and be happy with someone.. Is that a cry for help? I think it is.
Are we in an unhealthy relationship? Probably.
Do we need each other more than we need a doctor? I guess, no.
But we do need someone to take care of us, someone who is healthy, and who is capable of understanding our physical and emotional needs.
We are simply trying to find that in the wrong people, i.e. each other.
The only solution that comes to my mind is we can be in a relationship that is real instead of making false commitments, like saying, I will take care of you; because, and let’s face it, if we can barely find the energy to take care of ourselves, then how on earth would we find the energy to take care of each other!
P.S. He has forgiven me for cheating on him, but he hasn’t He may take some time to completely get rid of the feeling of betrayal. But he is doing his best to not show it. I hope he finds it in him to understand. I cannot be sorry enough. (Not getting me? Read this.)